Archive | October 2012

Personality

I remember after I read Shade’s Children I counted off several (at least 5) fractions of myself starting with
Primary:my main thoughts and personality who could and frequently over ruled the others and whom, under normal circumstances everyone else’s ideas were QCd by.

Secondary: The subtext, The first reaction- the thoughts and wants I turned a blind eye to, followed less, didn’t voice, or plain forgot about if I wanted enough.

3 through 5 or 7 Overwhelmingly emotional based thoughts/decisions, instinctive reactions, lashing out. Usually meditated or subdued by the Primary, occasionally let through by secondary. 3 was anger(combined with a slightly weakened Primary could produce a very balanced calm), and 4or5 was sorrow I believe.

I would run self diagnostic on myself and they would all talk to each other, like in the book. I wish I remembered how the system worked and who was what now.
Having every emotion a voice unto itself is rather complicated, and probably didn’t work out that well. Mainly it would identify the motivation behind thoughts, I guess.
A few years later, I notice many dancers have a persona of sorts. I was taught when you finish a set, you don’t pick yourself off the ground. you don’t turn around and walk away, or lower your head. No matter how much you sucked, how badly you messed up, you got up as if you had just kicked the other guy’s ass all the way to Spain and back. Looked at him with a “I’m better then you and you better believe it” look.

Some people I had met- kind helpful people, When there were in “battle mode” and looked you in the eyes, you backed up and got the hell out of the way. Others would become flamboyant and mocking, laughing at some secret joke.

When it was over, they immediately reverted back to being really cool and friendly people again.

I also noticed the different attitudes I took when using different names in different communities on the internet.
Thus came phase two.

Phase two consisted of different characters, with a different balance of emotions and thinking styles. In it’s current incarnation, which is by no means final, it consists of Skry, ink, and James.

James is my usual self. In new company. To elders. Those that intimidate me. Everyone else. The starting ground, if you met me IRL, You’d meet James..
James is at best intelligent, soft spoken, thoughtful, responsible. Not like “Those other kids,” the bad kids. Trusted by parents. Prone to “What a nice young man!”

ink is based on younger James, when he knew not how to think before speaking, and when to be silent. As such, ink is open, energetic, playful, silly. Most all the time quite happy and showing it. Dramatic. Empathetic. Cares for ‘his people’  If you knew me by the ‘net, you might know ink.

Skry is who ink wishes to be: A concept, a character that is executed to varying degrees of success. Skry is larger-then-life. Skry is the kid with the cool shades. Skry is earnest, friendly, excited, almost fearless in his enthusiasm. Skry is part MPDG. He will push you to do what you want to do. To ignore the fear. Skry knows not embarrassment and is up for anything.. Skry can be intimidating, but rarely does so. Unlike James, who is very careful about his opinions, Skry knows what he thinks and doesn’t care if you disagree.

These are also merely elements, albeit more complete elements, that make up the whole. Still, it was a step forward. Now there are three sets of mental/emotional profiles.

Sometimes I wonder what the point of the system is. I did always enjoy over thinking things.