Archive | April 2012

Honey Hooha. Do YOU need this? Yes.

As you may not know, I am in a writing group. I love it It’s called Year Of The Novel, And we hang out on IRC all the time and talk about writing*

We also bounce ideas off of each other. This was a especially notable one. Edited a smidge for readability

(6:23:41 PM) Samular: Listening to some “beauty” chick talk about cleaning her hoho with baby wipes, and using an extra sponge for her buttcrack because heaven forbid her ass doesn’t smell like roses.
(6:24:40 PM) Ciel: WHAT THE FUCK
(6:24:47 PM) Samular: Some chicks are retarded lol
(6:26:47 PM) ***Ciel sighs.
(6:27:02 PM) Ciel: People like that make me sad I have boobs.
(6:27:19 PM) Samular: Agreed
(6:27:49 PM) Samular: They’re all “Zomg, my coochie is dirty! it must smell like hibiscus and honey incase someone gets on their hands and knees and SNIFFS IT!”
(6:27:54 PM) Samular: Ahem…
(6:28:27 PM) Ciel: LMAO
(6:28:44 PM) Ciel: Duuuuude
(6:28:48 PM) ink: “hibiscus and honey” eh?
(6:28:55 PM) ***ink grins
(6:29:07 PM) ink: $.$
(6:29:09 PM) Ciel: if it smells like fish but tastes like chicken just plug yer nose and keep on lickin’
(6:29:40 PM) Samular: Damn straight, a real man doesn’t need a girly smelling coochie
(6:29:42 PM) ***Samular dies
(6:29:54 PM) ***Ciel falls over
(6:29:58 PM) Ciel: I KNOW
(6:29:59 PM) ink: I was thinking scented wipes. Lotsa ‘Natural’ herbs and shite
(6:30:06 PM) Ciel: LET’S JUST PLANT ROSE BUSHES THERE
(6:30:10 PM) Samular: LOL!
(6:30:17 PM) Ciel: if they’re soooooooo dirty they MUST be able to grow!
(6:30:23 PM) Samular: Of course!
(6:30:35 PM) Samular: Hot glue some fucking rose pedals on your asshole
(6:30:37 PM) Samular: There you go
(6:30:42 PM) Samular: You now fart the scent of roses
(6:30:46 PM) ink: Maybe throw in some hibiscus and honey tea sachets with a year’s order!
(6:30:55 PM) Ciel: oh maaaan
(6:30:56 PM) Samular: LOL Yes!
(6:31:17 PM) Ciel: There is a special rea reserved for us now.
(6:32:02 PM) ink: Nice. Always a good idea ti make reservations
(6:34:02 PM) ink: “Honey Hooha(tm)!”
(6:37:34 PM) ink: “You there! Woman! Do YOU need honey in your hooha? YES! Smell your hooha. With this sniffing tube. (2.99) Is it like hibiscus and honey? It COULD bee like hibiscus and honey. Wouldent that be grand? Would it? YES. Yes it would. Place YOUR order now. While supplies last.
(6:37:46 PM) Ciel: lulz
(6:37:56 PM) Samular: Omg lol Ink, you’ve found your calling
(6:38:06 PM) Samular: Go now! Sell weird scents to stupid women to put on their hoohas
(6:38:16 PM) ink: There would be some shitty happy song playing
(6:38:30 PM) ***Ciel hs a fucking LOL over this.
(6:39:08 PM) ink: “hibiscus and honey! hibiscus and honey! hibiscus and honey, now pass me the money!”
(6:39:22 PM) Ciel: ….o.o;;;;;;;;
(6:39:35 PM) Samular: Wow! lol
(6:39:45 PM) Samular: You’ve got a whole telemarketing scam right there
(6:39:57 PM) ***Ciel snickers.
(6:40:31 PM) ***Ciel giggles madly.
(6:41:38 PM) ink: And images of carefree women soaring across the screen (badly shoped) for with a Honey Hooha set, why *wouldn’t* you? You can too!
(6:41:58 PM) Samular: Oh dear god, you need to STOP lol

The Truth

It is said that the truth shall set ye free…

And it is said that knowledge is bondage.

Many things are spoke.

Don’t be a dick.

What Fiction!

Guies. The Time. Lulzy Smut Time.

 

Enjoy!

 

“… Her long hair, still wet from the shower, had been combed down her back in a wet swath. Hilda was sitting on the floor, her round, wet boobs still wet from the shower’s water. She dried off the water with a towel, which then became wet.
Hilda gasped when she saw a reflection in her bedroom mirror: through the slightly open door, she caught a glimpse of the chiseled abs and square jaw of the mysterious stranger who shared her cabin. She stood and spun around, her breasts swinging heavily with the momentum. She grabbed the door and flung it open, revealing shirtless Torolf (which was seriously his name) quivering with desire in the hallway.
Torolf was ashamed at being caught, but his shame made him even hotter – hotter for sex. He stepped into the room, and his bulging abs accidentally smushed into Hilda’s rich chest.
As Hilda’s buttermilk bosoms squished up against his granite abs, Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm.
“Hilda,” Torolf murmured thickly, his throbbing meat wand pressing against Hilda’s warm thighs. “There is a secret I need to not tell you: You are my forbidden desire.”
Hilda had been waiting to hear these words. Her heart was lifted on golden wings and soared toward a radiant sun of perfect joy. She saw herself and Torolf happy together, bathed in the golden light of love. Her snooch got all warm, too.
“Torolf,” Hilda moaned, her lush teats straining with desire. “I need you.”
Torolf, coarse abs pulsing softly in the moonlight, stood silently.
Hilda looked at him expectantly.
“Oh, sorry,” she added. “Torolf, I need you – sexually.”
At hearing those beautiful words, Torolf flexed his rough-hewn abs and Hilda found herself being guided to her soft bed by the sheer force of Torolf’s undulating midsection. She parted her thighs in anticipation, exposing the soft pink petals of her clunge.
Torolf entered her like she was a lottery. His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment.
Hilda clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and her hands. Her spongy love mountains hurled to and fro with each pounding. Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it.
Then Torolf moaned, arched his back, and suffered from dick Parkinson’s. He pumped in all of his hot pearlescent sperms as Hilda spasmed with so many orgasms!
The two lay still for a moment as the stinky scent of lovemaking billowed around the room.
Hilda got out of bed, still shimmering with orgasm. She glowed with contentment, like a cat who ate the cream of the crop.
She walked across the room and picked up her towel, still wet with shower water. “Torolf,” she said softly, “there’s something I have to tell you…”
But her bed was empty.
Torolf was gone, escaped out the bedroom window. In the distance, Hilda heard the fading sound of galloping abs.”

“i nochalantly jump kicked him in the face knocking his yarmulke into a puddle.”

“I began to breathe heavily like a cow with asthma being strangled into sexual submission.”

http://tindeck.com/listen/uysj DRAMATIC READING!

His crotch area had a certain majestic and beautiful incomprehensibility, for I had never seen anything like this before in all my frail existence. As I peered into the eye of his Perfect Clone penis and into his penis’ soul, I began to black out and my mind was suddenly teleported down a slit shaped rabbit hole to a tessellated psycho-phallic dimension. I felt like my consciousness had stumbled inside a fleshly hall of mirrors, a magnificent kaleidoscope of penis related imagery surrounded and dazzled me here: of delicate and modest foreskins of pink, of bountiful, mushrooming glans of maroon, thick veins of blue — thin veins of red, my favorites; they were all here, in this place.

-http://cheshirepoopcat.blogspot.com/2012/03/clone.html

 

 

“That is because your fingers are not the vagina of a Vulcan female,” Spock reminded him. Seeing Kirk make a face at this statement, Spock took Kirk’s clean hand in his own and continued, “I would hold no other fingers as tenderly as I touch yours. They are the right place for my semen.”

Spock/Kirk. http://cosmicduckling.com/spirk/2nd-time-fic.html

 

Batman and Robocop: The Day the Men Found Love posted:

“I need to gently caress you Batman. This way, my memories backup is ejected from my butt and we can delete what is important to preserve your identity.”

Bruce Wayne stood in awe looking to Robocop’s face. He must gives away his manhood to be Batman again, or face the consequences of his life saving deeds.

“Why you memory backup is expelled when you gently caress?”

“This is a method to preserve my intimacy. If I want to sleep with a whore or a male escort, it’s my right to delete my sexual encounters so no one acknowledge it’s existance.”

Bruce put his own hand on his chin and thought a bit. That wasn’t something Bruce would like to admit. Bruce have a reputation to preserve, even if he likes young lads. But Batman suffered much abuse in his life. Losing his anal virginity will be only one more faithful act towards the welfare of humanity.

“Alright Robocop, you can gently caress me, but let’s go to a motel, I don’t want to violate my cousin’s private space.”

“There is a problem Bruce. I’m not with my penis now. I can’t gently caress you.”

“What? Why your not with it?”

“Because today is a workday. I only attach my mechanical penis at weekends.”

 

“Summary: Mpreg. Slash! SSSB Having being raped by his most highest enemy, Sirius Black, Severus finds himself two weeks pregnant! With the help of his sister and cousin, Severus teals of being a single parent refusing to tell the truth to other father…”

 

Doomsday Womb – Sequel to Batman and Robocop. Inspector Gadget’s The Claw, replaces Penny’s vagina with a black hole, which can only be stopped by using Superman’s semen as an antimatter bomb. And he’s also gay for Batman.

“Well…I…I found some strange readings when your where talking with Batman up there on the rooftop. And my notebook computer x-ray vison could saw thru your pants. Looks like your dick was throbing.”

“But, what about the solution?”

“Superman, I think your know what the solution is…”

“Yes…” and Superman lowers his head “Batman.”

Superman, with his powerful sonic voice calls Batman to go down there. Batman asks:

“What is it Supes?”

“Batman, I think we cannot hide any longer what we feel for each other…this is the only way to save the city.”

Batman slowly closes his eyes, unzips his pants and says:

“I understand…Clark.”

Batman’s dick is very hard and throbing as hell. First, Batman grope Superman’s buttocks, to see if there’s danger:

“Superman, don’t constrict your buttocks of steel on my dick, you can cut it off.””

 

Most info from http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3472333&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=5

Pens! Reviews!

Yeah. As mentioned in the previous post. I’ve got a wordy post a cooking, but it’s not quite done yet.

MY DOPE PEN CASE. JUST LOOK AT IT. THOMAS THE MOTHERFUCKING SILENT H TANK ENGINE. THAT’S RIGHT, THE ENGINE OF A TANK.

OH SHIT LOOK IT’S GOT LAYERS. THREE FUCKING LAYERS TO HOLD ALL YOUR AWESOME CRAP BECAUSE YOU SHIT AWESOME.

HOT DAMN! NO MORE PICS OF THAT CASE?

ON TO THE BITCHIN’ PENS, YO!

WELL THAT WAS A PISSING SHAME. ONWARDS!

THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN CRAP BUT I USED MY MAD SKILLZ. NEXT PEN!

WOO!

THAT’S IT I GUESS NOW EXCUSE ME WHIST I QUENCH MY THIRST AND PLAY VIDEOGAMES.

MOAR PENS

So last night I was planing to go to bed early, say 11~12, but then, well, things transpired.
(Side note- “things transpired”should totally replace “shit happened” Or “Feces Transpired”)

So at 10:30PM* I decided to check out Endless Blue’s kickstarter, because Endless blue is totally minty.

Then I poked around.

If you’ve been on the interwebs, you know what this means.

However, this was not the main thing.

I found a machined steel pen, no, pen body made to fit a Pilot Hi-Tec C. It was kinda cool.

I poked more.

Fast forward a bit (It was a bit of a blur) It’s 12:53.

I’ve found three pen blogs, read over ten reviews on them, checked out thefountainpennetwork’s forum, and wanted to buy things.
I now have five pen reviews writ with the respective pen, three new pens, one new notebook and elastic (which I promptly lost)
*AND* a kickass Thomas the Tank Engine pen case.
All the good cases were TtTE or pink with slightly skimpy girls in miniskirts, and those were more flash then function.
However, they were pretty badass.

THIS BLOG WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT MY PENS.

I guess I’ll post said reviews here anyway.

In compliance with Rule 32,* Pics or it didn’t happen:

Left:Notebook and reviewed pens. Right: New swag.

Is he *not* a badass motherfucker?

I also spent over half an hour in the  store.

That’s how I roll.
-ink 2012.4.7
*Or something

Things I Should Probably Write About

So, let’s see, there was:

That Time My Parents Almost Got Legally Divorced

Driving Lessons: Perceptions Vs. Reality, and other misconceptions

How much my work is awesome

English usage in Taiwan

How I Accidentally Asked A Girl To Buy Me An Adult Novel At Fifteen (Or sixteen?)

Courage Wolf and Spiritual Beliefs

How My Friend’s Love of  Step Up Caused Me To Discover The Funk