Archive | March 2012

One Little Word

Today, I tell you of a word. This word can express so much more then we use it for.

It’s cool.

It’s fresh.

It’s got mad flava.

Now, instead of gushing awkwardly like the awed fool you are, you can smile and give a light shoulder punch, whispering that one word- Your props.

“Minty.”

One word. A world of feeling.

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Don’t Care.

I’ve been thinking. which is a thing I do at times.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about how I am the most important person ever. In my world.

If  I don’t like someone, they can bloody well get out and stay out of it.
Now, I’m not saying everyone not-me is assholes, just that I matter more. My life is infinitely more precious then yours.

Allow me to explain.

Everyone is dying. The trick is to have the most amount of fun & happiness before snuffing it. Maybe you work a crap job. To get money.

Because you think money will make you happy. And having food and drink and internets often do that.

On the other hand, maybe some fella is happy with fasting on a cave for 40 days or something. Or driving around in a gold car singing Baby Got Back.

Anyway. You’ve no doubt seen something along the lines of 

 

Bad Ass Motherfucker, eh? So gangsta it hurts eh?

Now, I’m having myself a little chuckle about it, but to this dude, my opinion of him isn’t worth a shit. And it shouldn’t be.

Maybe he believes himself a Bad ass motherfucker. That’s a pretty good feeling, as feelings go. And you want to have the most good feelings you can before you kick the bucket, and woe betide anyone who would stand in your way.

The minor kink is that this applies to everyone else as well.

Say Mr. B. A. Motherfucker is getting all badassy in my face. This is stopping me from having a Pretty Good Time. I want to have a Pretty Good Time.

So I get him to piss off as best I can, be it by reinforcements, or a punch to the face.

It all balances out. How much Gangsta fun can one get without without the fun being ended by a good ol’ wenchslap to the face?

How much do I hold back my fun “for the long run”? Don’t sacrifice too much, unless the sacrifie makes you happy.

Remember, You’re more important then anyone else.

Except, of course, for me.

Late.

Dear Sire of Mine.

Thank you for getting me to class an hour late, because you decided to take the wheel despite being tired and having no clue how to get to the highway, making a 15 min trip around 1 1/2 hrs.

I was teaching that class.

 My student arrived one minute after me, whist the place was in disarray and I had not calmed myself. Things happen. I understand. The class went okay.

Did you even know that I was late?

A Girl Enslaved By Slavery, A Boy, And Death

I spent my dreams last night coming up with reasons why I wish I never become like the boy in the chain post:

“A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, he said no. She asked him if he would want to be with her forever…. and he said no.  She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry? and once again he replied with a no.
She had heard enough.

As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said….You’re not pretty you’re beautiful. I don’t want to be with you forever. I NEED to be with you forever, and I wouldnt cry if you walked away…I’d die…”

Rationalizations about how terrible it would be, to be loved so;

to know that you hold the life of another in your hands, and will never be able to set it down, only end or endure. To bear the burden or kill the innocent.

One tries to read a little more into something when one is talking to someone who believes.

Reading to much into something, it twists away from the author’s intent. But that is not a bad thing.

Especially if they think it’s sweet, and you recoil unwittingly from it.

To quote Confucius, “Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it”

And it never hurts to look. To think before speaking.

Especially when you respect them. They might well respect you.

ink 2/29/2012

The Book of Night With Moon

‎”I am the wind that troubles the water; I am the water, and the waves;

I am the shore where the waves break in rainbows; I am the starlight that shines in the spray.

I am the trees that drink the light; I am the air of the green things’ breathing;

I am the stone that the trees break asunder; I am the molten heart of the world.

Where will you go? To what place will you wander?

In vale or hilltop, still I am there…

Will you sound the sea’s depth, or climb the mountain? In air or water, till I am there;

Will the earth cover you? Will the night hide you? In deep or in darkness, still I am there;

Will you kindle the nova, or kill the starlight? In fire or deathcold, still I am there…”

-Pieced from So You Want to Be a Wizard, Diane Duane

Showers of Angst

That awkward moment when I want to take a shower but keep thinking about how one day I will die, and everything will go away all I know all I am will become naught;
I think on my past and how little I understood though I thought I knew, and how I think now that I know, but my future sees otherwise. How the bars I have built in my mind seem trite in the order of things, this desire to fit in, this need to be liked, to be loved so useless, a splint on my unscathed leg but why do I still care; putting on what I think the best face of Me for the situation afraid of what will happen if i let my selves bleed together into one to speak that strongest thought to speak the profanity that is within me that I know is not profane yet I pretend it is and hold my tongue.

And now I take my fucking shower.
Osho was right about Fuck.
Repeat Fuck you five times in the morn as mantra. speak it as meaning, mean the words you speak and disregard those who would hold it against thee for your life is the most precious thing there is_

 

Over and over I say: “It is time to stop pretending you don’t care, to stop pretending you’re just being sarcastic, to pretend, at the slightest phantom of rejection that you don’t mean your words, because you know full well that you mean every singe thing you said with all of your being” and every time, the words and logic of by brain bleed into my hear, and I am a little bit more free. Or perhaps it is the other way around, it is the heart that is convincing the brain to let go of this idiotic fear.

3/17/2012

Anon

To whom it may concern:
Please refrain from referring to Anonymous as a static unit, e.g. Hacker group Anonymous, hacktivist group Anonymous, a representative/spokesman for Anonymous, etc.

Anonymous is not a group and can never be represented by a select group.
“We are legion,” think about it. Can one bee speak for the hive? One ant for the whole?
I come from Taiwan. Can I, one person, speak for the country?

Can my group of friends say “We are Taiwan, and we demand that the USA increase production of LOLcats by at least 50%, or we will distribute 5TB of american media in HQ copies”?
Remember that to be anonymous means there is no status other then what you make with words.
There is no rank. I can say I am the leader of taiwan,but you have only my word. “What most of anonymous thinks” is decided by the actions you observe.
Anonymous can never be of one mind.” Thank you.

Existential Cookies

Existential crisis.

Life is precious.

Life slips by.
The days,
they blend together.
Hazy memories of yesterday;
.
what did I do?
Is not living like this an insult
to the very life I live,
to myself?
.
I baked cookies.

Perhaps existential crisis shall visit again.
Perhaps I will once again feel lost in a vast sea.
I don’t mind.
My cookie jar is with me, and I have milk.

Oxygen is Love

Perhaps, I think,
Love is like the oxygen masks in airplanes.

Falling in groups;
so essential to life.

“Help yourself before helping others”

Perhaps the airline companies… Perhaps they know this.

“Love yourself before loving others”

Perhaps oxygen masks are love.

Metaphors only go so far.

ink  2/x/2012